How You Self-Sabotage, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

In a perfect world, everyone would be happy, no one would suffer, the weather would always be sunny, and people wouldn’t do stupid, self-defeating things that wind up biting them in the butt cheeks.

Alas, we don’t live in a perfect world. Sometimes it feels as if the very forces of nature are stacked against us. Even worse, sometimes WE sabotage our own lives in ways that our bitterest enemies could only dream of doing.

No zodiac sign is immune from self-sabotaging behavior. Here are the specific ways in which each sign winds up acting like their own worst enemy.

Aries

You can’t admit when you’re wrong. Sure, you’re a great and much-admired person. And nine times out of ten, you’re right. Make that eight times out of ten. It’s more like seven times out of ten, but who’s counting? But you can be a bit of a cocky ass. Your ego is through the roof, and you feel like it’d be humiliating and devastating to ever admit, “Well, yeah, I messed up.” You feel it would make you look vulnerable, weak, and even a little bit foolish. But face it—you look a hundred times more foolish when you, and everyone around you, knows you made a mistake but can’t admit it. Your biggest mistake of all is being unable to admit you make mistakes. Just relax and take the “L” every so often. You’ll feel better about yourself when you admit you’re not perfect—and people will like you more, too.

Taurus

You procrastinate way too much. You’ve convinced yourself that because you perform best under pressure, the smart thing is to wait until the last minute to get anything done. But this often means that you wind up doing things in a half-assed manner—or sometimes, with no “ass” at all. Sometimes you avoid doing things until it’s too late. You let things pile up—all those unpaid bills. All those unwashed dishes. All those tasks are on your “To Do” lists. You misplaced your most recent “To Do” list and haven’t gotten around to writing a new one. It all leads to extra anxiety that immobilizes you, because you know you can never catch up. The person who hesitates is lost—it’s time to find your way.

Gemini

You are WAY too obsessed with what others are doing wrong. Now, don’t misunderstand me—you’re almost always right when you analyze and criticize the mistakes that others are making. You’re entirely on the mark, and the targets of your criticism do well to listen to you. But here’s the problem—you do it because it’s a way to divert attention from your problems. At the end of the day, we can’t change others; we only have the power to change ourselves. And even if you were able to change others, how would it benefit you besides the empty satisfaction of being right? Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Fix what’s wrong with you. As the great Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”

Cancer

You are too nice to those who don’t deserve it. Part of your nature as a water sign is to be empathic and kind, so you give others the benefit of the doubt and help those who are in need. The problem is that some people need to be doubted, while others are always in need because they exploit the kindness of others. You are what used to be known as a “bleeding heart,” but you will eventually bleed yourself dry if you don’t practice a little discretion and follow your instincts when you sense someone is taking advantage of your kindness. The hardest but most valuable lesson you can learn is that it’s often a mistake to be too nice to people. It can even be fatal.

Leo

You are way too arrogant and egotistical for your own good. It’s good to have self-esteem, but not so much that it makes others despise you. People tend to dislike pretty girls who can’t shut the hell up about how beautiful they are. People admire rich men, but not those who are always flaunting their wealth and belittling others who aren’t as fortunate. There’s nothing wrong with being a good person unless you feel some neurotic need to keep declaring how good you are. In the end, it’s all read as a sign of insecurity, and people will flee from your massive ego because it crowds out and smothers everyone else in the room. Here’s the trick—let others compliment you.

Virgo

You are too critical of yourself. Unlike Aries and Leo (who think too highly of themselves), and in stark opposition to Gemini (who is too critical of others as a way to avoid honest self-reflection), you blame yourself not only for your problems but for things that are way out of your control. When you learn that an injustice occurred halfway around the world, you kick yourself for not being more active politically. If you come down with a sore throat, you feel guilty that you didn’t take enough Vitamin C. If someone acts like a complete ass toward you, you’ll assume it’s something that you did to provoke them rather than consider the possibility that maybe they’re just an asshole. You are your harshest critic, and it’s the biggest impediment to your happiness.

Libra

You are too fair. While this wouldn’t be a flaw if you were professionally employed as a judge or a referee, the problem is that you live in a world where people are motivated by self-interest. Most people will cheat, lie, steal, and cut corners to their advantage, and the only thing that keeps them in check is that most other people are wired the same way. As much as we like to talk about cooperation and unity, human relations more often resemble an MMA cage match than they do a church choir singalong. Even in romantic relationships, it’s more like S&M than “making love”—rather than cooperating and helping each other, people try to “get over” and come out on top. But because you’re fair, you wind up being treated unfairly.

Scorpio

You are so “exotic” and “mysterious” that you’re afraid to tell people when you need help. Part of your allure—well, besides having a well-deserved rep as a completely ravenous sex partner—is that you’re an enigma, a mystery, a riddle. You come and go like a thief in the night, and people have trouble figuring you out or guessing what your next move will be. Excuse me for spilling the beans here, but it’s not so much that you’re “mysterious”; it’s that you’re guarded. You’d feel vulnerable if you let your mask slip. And where this makes you your own worst enemy is that it prevents you from asking for help from others, whether it’s financial, medical, or emotional.

Sagittarius

You are so “curious” and “adventurous” that it often leads you into dark and unhealthy places. There’s nothing wrong per se with having an open mind and a lust for experimentation—unless you entertain thoughts such as, “Maybe I should start shooting heroin and see what the fuss is all about” or “They’re exaggerating the risks of unprotected sex with random strangers.” Sure, it’d be nice to visit Eastern Europe, but maybe wait until the war is over. It can be thrilling to take risks, but perhaps you shouldn’t try cliff-diving or parachuting without a guide or an instructor. Your misguided feelings of invincibility may one day teach you a hard lesson in exactly how “vincible” you are.

Capricorn

You are such a hard worker that you don’t know how to relax. You are legendary among all the zodiac signs for being a goal-oriented perfectionist who completes every task and keeps setting the bar higher for yourself. These are admirable traits, especially in a world filled with lazy, unreliable slobs, but if you keep the pedal to the medal and insist on driving down the turnpike at 120MPH without ever pulling into a rest area, sooner or later you’re going to blow your engine. Take the scenic route every once in a while and recharge your batteries. Stop and smell the flowers. Realize that all work and no play makes life miserable and boring.

Aquarius

You follow the Golden Rule—which would be nice if everyone else did, too. As articulated by Jesus in the Gospels, the Golden Rule is “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In other words, “Treat people how you’d like to be treated. The Chinese philosopher Confucius, who was born 550 years before Jesus, first expressed this concept, but inversely: “Do not do unto others what you would not have them do unto you.” In short, “Don’t be mean to others if you don’t want them to be mean to you.” And you follow the Golden Rule in both regards. The problem is that a lot of people are nasty bastards no matter how you treat them, which puts you at a tactical disadvantage.

Pisces

You are a big, sloppy, squirming, tangled mess of feelings. Your oversized sense of compassion often leads you to entirely abandon reason and wisdom. All three of the water signs are ruled by emotions rather than feelings, but the difference between you and the other two—Cancer and Scorpio—is that they were born with a hard outer protective shell, whereas you are but a flimsy fish who flaps and thrashes endlessly in a salty sea of tears. Get a goddamned grip on yourself. There are sharks out there in the ocean who don’t deserve your empathy. It’s good to have feelings, but learn to balance it with a dash of reason.