I Am Leaving Because You Were Never There When I Needed You

I needed you to share my sorrows.

I needed you to listen. To be there when I couldn’t even be there for myself. When I was weak and out of strength.

I just needed you to stand by my side. I needed you to hug me so tightly that pain would freeze at that moment.

I needed you… but you were never there.

I needed you to share my happiness.

You were always the first one on my mind when things were going great. When the sun shone down on me and I couldn’t believe how lucky and successful I was, you weren’t there to really share it with me.

You were listening but you didn’t hear me. You were more interested in your own happy moments as well as those sad ones. When it was all about you and I had the role of the listener, only then you were at ease.

I needed you to share my dreams with and dream some new ones with you.  But you were never there.

You were always too busy. You never had time for me and there was always something that demanded your time more than me.

I was never at the top of your priority list— that’s if you would find the time at all.

I needed you like you needed me. The difference is I was always there standing by your side, supporting you, being happy because you were happy, but you were nowhere to be found when it came to me.

I don’t blame you for anything I am just letting you go. That’s something that was bound to happen at some point. I just delayed the inevitable.  

I guess I felt lucky to have you even though I know better now.

I couldn’t see clearly that you weren’t investing in me at all while I was giving everything to you. I was always the one who understood everything. I thought my love and my effort will be enough.

But it wasn’t—I couldn’t love for the both of us.

I tried to rationalize and kept saying to myself that things will get better.

I was always waiting for better days, for you to find time for me. For you to find time for us. Those days never came.

They never came because you were just making up excuses to cover the fact that you want me just when it suits you. Your friends, your career, you yourself and the part of your life without me were all more important. And I never wanted to put myself first on your priority list—I just wanted to be equally important.

I just wanted to feel like I matter.

That even though you don’t have time, you would find some for me. Because that’s what people in love do—they make time. They bend over backward to see someone they care about. They might not spend as much time as they would want but as much as they have.  The problem is you never had that time for me; you were never there.

All those little moments bottled up inside of me. They were just waiting like a ticking bomb to explode and I could almost see it coming. They all got mixed up in that one big moment when I was calling you and crying, begging you to come and see me, just to be there for me at least this one time I needed you the most. This one time I felt like my world was collapsing.

You weren’t there and suddenly I realized I was all by myself all this time. I will make it on my own in the future. I realized I never truly had you but you had me.

And you know what? The time has come to finally put me first and to find time for my needs. You can find someone else to feed your ego and look good next to you because I’m out.

The equation is pretty simple, if you loved me, you’d be there for me. And since you weren’t, since you were always absent when I needed you the most, I learned that I’m enough on my own. This purifying revelation saved me.

I’m enough. I don’t need you. I can make it on my own.