I Hope You Go Through Hell When You See Me Thriving Without You

They say that when you love someone unconditionally and with your entire heart, you want them to be happy, even if that happiness doesn’t include you.

You want them to have all the best in life, no matter what.

Well, I don’t know if I never loved you enough or if I’m overly selfish, or maybe you did me too much harm.

But guess what: I don’t want your life to be in perfect order. 

Maybe I am a bad person because I can’t find the strength in me to forgive you and forget everything you did to me.

Nevertheless, at least I’m honest.

At least I’m not pretending to be this merciful soul who throws back flowers on those who throw stones at her.

I’m not faking it. I’m not acting that I can be the bigger man and give you all my blessings when in fact, I’m cursing the day you were born.

No, I don’t hate you. Not any more, at least.

Too much time has passed since you broke my heart and destroyed my entire being for me to still be consumed by resent.

I’m just perfectly aware that you don’t deserve anything good.

No, I won’t be getting even at you because I don’t want to give you another crumb of my attention.

However, I will hope that karma will have its way with you and that life will punish you for all of your misdeeds.

I don’t want you to keep on living despite killing me spiritually.

I don’t want you to be peaceful despite me not being at ease, and I don’t want you smiling while tears keep me up at night.

I don’t want you to find your happily ever after, while you left me forever traumatized and convinced I am not meant to be loved.

I don’t want you to grow old waking up next to the love of your life, meanwhile my nightmares haunt me.

Instead, I want you to be sorry. I don’t want you to regret everything you did to me because I hope that you’ll want me back.

I just want you to feel every ounce of pain I felt. To cry every tear I cried and get damaged by every single trauma you caused me.

Call me immature, evil, and vengeful, but the truth is that I want you to see me at my best, while you’re at your worst.

I want you to stare at me from the bottom, while I am soaring at the top.

I know you are a pathetic, little man whose ego wouldn’t stand the fact that you didn’t manage to destroy me.

An insecure guy who would die the moment he saw that I succeeded without you.

And I promise you that this is exactly what will happen: I will thrive and you will go through hell.

It will eat you alive every time you see that I made it without you, every time you see me smiling in spite of life, and every time you hear about my happiness.

You’ll be consumed by anger once you realize that you failed in breaking me and that I managed to put the crushed pieces of myself back together.

Once you see that I finally became the woman I always dreamed of becoming.

That I managed to find the light in the darkness you left and that I overcame the traumas you caused.

You’ll die of envy every time you reach out to your phone and see there’s no missed call from me.

Every year the clock strikes midnight on your birthday without me there to surprise you.

You will be consumed by regret every time you try to call me, just to see that I am no longer available.

Each time you realize I am not there, patiently waiting for you to come back.

I hope you go through hell once you come to the devastating realization that I never actually needed you – you were the one who needed me all along.

And now, you lost me for good.

I promise you that you will be sorry when you realize that I chose myself over you.

I promise you that you will learn to cherish my presence once you feel my absence.