I Thought You Were My Soulmate But You Ended Up Being My Nightmare

Every time you looked me in the eyes, I would get warm sensations throughout my whole body.

The beats of my heart would instantly speed up and my lips would get a burning desire to be kissed by yours.

Every time you looked me in the eyes, I would freeze for a second because I felt like I’d seen those eyes somewhere before, maybe in my dreams or on the street when we were passing by each other as strangers.

Hours felt like seconds with you and there was no single place on earth where I would rather be. With you, I felt safe, loved and happy.

I was convinced that you were my soulmate, that we were meant to be and that you were the man that I’d been waiting for.

But one day, you looked me in the eyes again and it was the first time that I didn’t get those warm sensations through my body.

It was the first time that my heart didn’t increase its beats and it was the first time that my lips didn’t want to be kissed.

I realized you were no longer the man I used to know. You were no longer the man I fell in love with!

I realized that all that time, I wasn’t really in love with you; instead, I was in love with the idea of you.

I wanted to believe that your sweet gestures were coming straight from your heart, that your words were nothing but the pure truth and that you were the right one for me even though you weren’t.

I forced myself to believe that you were the one I should have opened my heart to, even though that little voice in my head was telling me otherwise.

I guess I was sick and tired of all of those games played by toxic men that I simply decided to forget about all of that and follow my heart blindly.

I wanted to trust you, give my heart to you and build something big with you. I didn’t realize that you didn’t want the same.

I didn’t realize that your words were nothing but lies, that your actions were nothing but selfish deeds and that your heart was nothing but empty.

I thought you were a man who made an effort instead of making excuses like the rest of them.

I thought you were a man who was not afraid of love and who knew how to appreciate what he had. And you were.

You appreciated all of it only when it was convenient for you.

Every time I was feeling lonely and in pain, you would find the perfect excuse for not being there for me.

Every time I complained about something, you would say that I was overreacting.

My heart was never meant to match yours and for a long time, I blamed myself for realizing it too late.

I blamed myself for blindly and stupidly letting you enter my life and turning it into the biggest nightmare!

I blamed myself for not knowing how to be a selfish asshole who only thought about her own happiness and well-being.

I blamed myself for not knowing how to be you!

You made me feel like a useless punching bag, unworthy of being loved. You made me feel like shit about everything I said and everything I did.

For a long time, I thought I was the one to blame for everything that happened between us.

It took me too long to realize that you were just a bug in my system, an error that needed to be fixed, a mistake that needed to be deleted, a chapter that needed to be destroyed!

It took me too long to realize that you were just a painful lesson in the form of my biggest nightmare.

I guess I needed to go through a nightmare in order to wake up and realize that all that time I’d been too cruel toward myself and my heart.

I guess needed a nightmare to punch me in the face and tell me that I should never go out of my way to appease others, that I should never trust others until they prove their actions with their words.

That I should never fall head over heels with a stranger who doesn’t even know what love really is.

That I should never neglect my own happiness for the sake of others.

It took me too long to realize that you were just the wake-up call that I needed desperately in order to save myself before it was too late!

And instead of blaming you for everything you did to me, I’m wholeheartedly and sincerely thankful for every time you treated me like shit and every painful word you said to me because every time you made me sad, you taught me to choose more carefully with whom I’m going to share my smile.

Every time you took me for granted, you taught me that I shouldn’t expect selfish people to treat me as a priority.

Every time you made me feel like I was less worthy, you taught me that life is too short to waste my time on someone who is not worthy of being a part of it. 

And every time I mention your name, it reminds me of a painful but above all helpful lesson that I needed to learn in order to find true happiness!