THE DIFFICULT WAY OF BREAKING WITH A NARCISSIST IN REALITY
Living with a narcissist is painful and exhausting. It is a situation in which we find ourselves tangled and no matter how much we want to extricate ourselves from it, leaving is not so easy.
But after you’ve hit rock bottom, after you’ve been robbed of your self-esteem and self-love, you realize that you have nothing more to lose.
He took everything from you. So you decide to leave it.
You decide to take control of your life and live as you wish. And I’m happy for you!
But the fight doesn’t end here, not for you.
It is a decisive moment for you. You just made a big decision. You just made the right decision.
But the road ahead is dotted with obstacles. You have to prepare yourself to face them.
You must prepare yourself mentally and psychologically for the healing process that awaits you.
Breaking up is terrible, but breaking up with a narcissist is particularly difficult. Your feelings will be shared and you will quickly change your mood.
And in order to cope with the changes that will arise, it is better to know what to expect.
Here are some of the things you’ll have to experience after breaking up with a narcissist:
1. You will be anxious
There is no happy ending when you break up with a narcissist. Either he will drop you or you will leave him.
But he will keep coming back, using all kinds of hoovering tactics to recover you. Either way, it won’t be good to see.
You will not be well. Ruptures hurt, this one particularly.
You know that you will never end properly and you are nervous because you know that it is not ready to leave you alone.
You know it will annoy you – even if you have no contact.
All of this will drive you crazy and force you to live in anxiety, fearing what will come next.
What to do ?
Make sure your story is finished. Try to have no contact with him.
If it doesn’t work, be as unattractive as possible. Even if he bothers you, once he realizes that you are no longer interested, he will leave you alone.
Once things are back to normal, your anxiety will go down. Be patient.
2. You will be obsessed
You will not move on as easily. You ask yourself a thousand questions and would like to find answers.
You want to know if he loved you.
Does he care, at least a little, for you? How could he do this to you? How could he have forgotten you so quickly?
The ghost of your dangerous relationship will haunt you, because it has not ended properly and it never will.
You will hang on to the little that remains of your relationship, because you will not yet have accepted what happened.
What to do ?
You will try to find answers to the questions that bother you, but you will eventually let go, because you will never understand what happened.
You are not sick like him. You cannot understand the functioning of his mind, nor the why of what he did.
3. You will defend it
To accept what has happened to you, you will try to rationalize his behavior.
You will try to find excuses for his insults, his manipulations and the violence you suffered during your story.
You will try to find a good reason to explain that you stayed with him and that is precisely why, you will try to find excuses for his behavior – so that your experience is less painful.
You will end up missing it and the pattern will repeat itself over and over. You will defend it and tell yourself that after all, it was not that bad.
Don’t be fooled by this thought. It’s just your mind, trying to ease the pain.
What to do ?
Do not be fooled by the traps in your mind. The truth is that you don’t miss it; he never missed you.
He bewitched you for so long that you got used to this toxic environment. You thought it was a normal environment.
And that’s why you are in a “craving”. Ignore that feeling and just remember all the terrible things it did to you.
If you get back with him, he will start over.
4. You don’t feel any enthusiasm
When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you get used to all the dramas that surround us.
Something was still going on and now that you are at peace, it is as if you were missing something.
It’s hard to hear, but you miss your narcissist. You don’t miss her love or the way she treats you.
You miss him because now that he’s gone, there is no more noise, heckling around you.
Everything is too calm and after going out with a narcissist, it may be surprising but you are no longer used to things being “normal”.
What to do ?
Find an activity. Find yourself a hobby. Find the passion that is missing from your life.
Start doing something that makes you happy, even if it’s very simple. You are just steps away from true happiness.
5. You feel lonely
What happens to you is not so common. It is not a break like the others.
Most people who have just experienced a “classic” break can still lean on each other, but few are those who have escaped the clutches of a narcissist and they cannot lean on anyone.
And you feel alone. Loneliness prompts you to ask yourself questions like: “Why me? But you are not alone.
There are many people who have experienced the same thing as you and now feel the same as you.
What to do ?
Join support groups and talk about your problem. Don’t keep things to yourself, or you’ll end up exploding.
You cannot keep these feelings in yourself and manage them alone.
Talk to your friends or in support groups, maybe also a psychologist. Either way, do it because you need support immediately.
6. You have doubts
During your relationship with a narcissist, you were the victim of gaslighting. You were told that you were crazy, that you were inventing things.
You have been told that you are overreacting, that you are the source of all the problems and even the cause of the breakdown of your relationship.
As soon as you find yourself in moments of loneliness, you will get lost in your thoughts. You will begin to doubt yourself.
You will begin to tell yourself that perhaps your narcissist was right. Maybe you were really overreacting.
Perhaps you should have been more understanding. Perhaps the breakup is your fault.
What to do ?
You do not see ? He continues to manipulate you, even after you break up.
It is simply the result of all the violence and manipulation you have suffered.
This state of mind that he implanted in you still resurfaces from time to time and it feeds the ridiculous thoughts that keep running through your head.
7. You are ashamed
Now that you clearly see the person he is, now that you really see all the things that he did to you, you are ashamed that you did not leave earlier.
You feel silly for not having left long before.
But none of the people who found themselves in a situation similar to yours left immediately.
We all believe we are capable of helping someone, capable of changing him because at the bottom of our hearts, we tell ourselves that there is something good in him.
Unfortunately, this is not the case for people with a personality disorder.
They cannot be cured. We cannot convince them to be otherwise.
What to do ?
You just have to let go. It’s not your fault. These manipulations were only intended to force you.
His goal was to make the victim believe, for as long as possible, that things would improve.
8. You are angry
After a while, the sadness and suffering will begin to subside and turn into resentment and hatred.
It’s something that you couldn’t do in your history, so you do it now that you are finally free to think for yourself and act at your convenience.
What to do ?
Be angry. Let it all out, you will feel better.
After a while, you will understand that hatred will not get you anywhere and you will calm down. Be careful and don’t seek revenge.
Know that there is no way to defeat a narcissist. The only way to harm a narcissist is to cut him off.
Ignore it completely and become unavailable.
Do not do anything stupid in an attempt to harm him, because he will use it against you and you will end up suffering from it.
